I've been thinking a lot lately about life. I think it comes with the amount of change I've been through, and still going through, regarding the move we've make.
But, its made me sort of pensive and, yes, I'll admit it, somewhat unavailable to my friends and family who want to speak to me or reach out to me. I love all of them and their phone calls and e-mails force me to get my head out from under the covers and continue to stay connected to the world.
I wanted to write about the things that I regret so I think I'll go ahead and do that. I know there are people who never regret anything they've done in their lives. They think every step led to another step and got them to where they are. I don't live that way. I have deep regrets that carry with me like a backpack I will forever bring with me through the halls of my life.
1. I regret friendships that have either faded away or ended in an explosive fire. I recently heard that a woman I had once been close with moved to Hong Kong with her family. We had not been speaking for a little over a year. She'd done some things I could not support and ultimately driven me away from our friendship. When it had ended, I missed her acutely. We'd had lunch every week. There were a lot of things that I admired about her. I still feel the loss of her in my life. I'll never forget that she had us over for dinner the night after we got back from my father-in-law's funeral. I know that when things went askew they really went and there was no correcting it. But, I regret that loss. I regret that there was nothing I could do to save it.
2. I regret that I didn't appreciate school more when I was in it. Even graduate school. It always felt like it was just something I wanted to get through to get to the next spot. I think I didn't understand what a luxury it truly was to be able to learn with nothing else for me to do.
3. I regret all the times I haven't been the best mother I could be. 'Nuff said.
4. I regret all the times I haven't been the best wife, daughter, sister, friend.
5. I regret missed opportunities and chances not taken.
What about all of you? Do you have regrets?